He's Taken a Jet Plane

My Sun has Left
I Feel Bereft!
How Will I Survive God?
With Love in Our Hearts!
We can Lead The World John!
As A COUNTRY!

Actually Euthanasia for Mental Patients is not the Answer - Love Is!

I Take My Hat Off!

To My Psychiatric Nurse
For his straight talking
Yet Uplifting
Conversation
With the Pep Talk
Alone
I am Almost
Willing
To pull Myself
Once Again
From Insanity
But the "Desert"
Is too Harsh
And the "Water"
of LOVE
Too Little

I don't Quite Cross My T's and Dot My eyes Any more

I don't Quite
Cross My T's
And Dot my I's
Anymore
And when
I see the
Beauty
Majesty
An Innocence
Of
A little Boy's
Trust
I pine
That my
Own little Boy
As a Grown Man
Knows his Mother
As a Comparatively
Hollow Shell
Oh to have
Passed on My Intellect
Before
It has been
Lost
For the Most Part
To Insanity!

Puppet on a String

John Key is Not a "Colonial Secretary"

Contrary to Dr Langley's scathing criticism in the Herald, page 11, that John is a pandering puppet I would simply believe that he is a New Breed of Politician that cares about his Country Men and Women and has the Courage to show it! In those little boy's eyes I saw Love and Hope and if PEACE can be brought to Pass then surely that should be the Aim for what of when We LOOK BACK in a thousand Years? God is Not the God of War!

I kissed the Cenotaph

And put the Old Soldiers

To Bed

For Another Year

My Doesn't Time Fly

Then I carved a Cross

From a Scarlet Rose

Will I make it on Foot

Next Year?

Lady Bird Heart

Still not on Medication

And even the old dears at the Op Shop think I seem SO MUCH BETTER. As long as you can reconcile that you'll have no work and that, at the blink of an eye, people will invariably be tempted, even your own family, and successful at trampling over your Human Rights. As long as you can reconcile that there is Still No HONEST PROTECTION for the Mentally Ill for that is still the reality WITHOUT getting ANGRY AND ACCEPT THAT LIFE IS NOT FAIR AND THAT JUSTICE DOES NOT EXIST for the Mentally ill then you may just be able to stay away from the Drugs and the Loony Bins Those ARE BITTER PILLS to swallow but that is just the way it is.

Dear John

You were FABULOUS at Gallipoli. Strange how after all those deaths we are now firm friends with the Turkish and it is still hard to understand why we led Our Young Men to slaughter in the first place? Who ordered the Manoeuvre? We should be Ashamed as much as Proud! Why do Women give birth to have their son's lives considered so cheap?

Apparently, after the Speech, which was GREAT, you put on casuals and turned it into a "Love Fest" so the Media says. Wished I was there!

It was Winston Churchill, the most brilliant orator ever, that my father hated and no wonder why.

Dear John

University is a way of life for a lot of unemployed people. Just give them Work with a decent minimum wage and many would be happy. Bring back more Apprenticeships, etc, etc.

Love the tie with the cows. Wish the farmers had more rain. I supposed to be Rain Dancing at the moment.

Why Do We Not Allow Euthanasia for Mental Patients?

If We had a Humane Society We Would Provide Prospects and opportunity of fulfilment for these people. Everywhere I look I see highly intelligent people lost to either no work at all or soul destroying menial labour when they would have so much more to offer if our Safety Nets offered HOPE!

How can the Bible be central to the Legal System when it does not, with vigilance, protect the Weak and the Meek?

After thirty years life experience as a Mental Health Consumer I say I should have the Right to say No More. If I went with my Psychiatric Nurse to the homes of "My Fellows" I'm pretty certain that I would be horrified by the abject suffering that I would witness. Most would be isolated, depressed, frightened, impoverished with No Hope in sight and no Answers.

We are going backwards instead of forwards and if we, as a Society, cannot offer the dignity of prospects and opportunity what Right do We have Not to offer Euthanasia? If we don't Acknowledge their Human Rights why don't We simply just put them out of their Misery?
I think that would be a Square Deal! PLEASE!

Mr Tommy Marmalade Tigger Bees Knees Ralph

I had a moment of pure Joy. My pussy cat, Mr Tommy Marmalade Tigger Bees Knees Ralph lay on me and purred with his tongue hanging out for about 5 minutes!

I'm really Grumpy

It may well be that I am experiencing Arapax withdrawal. I've never felt so ill in my entire life. It too will pass I hope!

Anyway, I've decided that I'm fed up with the way that Psychiatry and Psychology Di sect their Patients or Clients and especially Psychiatry. The tendency is to just pour medication into the Patient. It is CRUEL. If we to really offer people HOPE it would be in the form of WORK. I believe that we deserve opportunity and acknowledgement. No matter how well intentioned the intent, if people aren't given a decent chance to succeed and "Fit in" in some shape or form then it would still be kinder to line these people up against a Wall and Shoot them.

Make an example of me PLEASE!

Dear John

My favourite photo of you is of when you opened the books when you came into Power. You looked SO Angry that it made you seemed larger than life.

I've been Trying to put my Finger on it!

Since I moved schools, had an accident (two actually) and felt the full force of Hostility and Bullying at School when I was in the 6th form I've been trying to put my finger on WHY it all happens. It is FEAR I think. And in a basically "Christian" Society it seems such a complete contradiction that there is such a strong undercurrent of HATRED for those that we perceive as WEAK! In my opinion EVERY CHILD is a child of God and if our present "Safety Nets" offered the Dignity of ensuring that EVERYONE has the opportunity to fit in somehow somewhere we'd be heading towards Eutopia! Isn't that what Politics is supposed to achieve and isn't that what most of them stand up to be counted for? In that same year that I wrote the speech on Euthanasia I also knew that I would spend the rest of my life hiding away from HOSTILITY. I got a 75% average in 6 subjects in School Cert but, even so, even though I believe I had a lot to contribute I just wanted to hide. Apparently we're heading for the biggest shake up of the Welfare System yet but I still say that the recipe is simple- GIVE THEM WORK.... Work for the Unemployed. Work for the Drug Addicts and Work for Psychiatric Patients. If we can give jobs to those beautiful I.H.C. people I'm sure that we could be creative enough to find something to keep these people occupied and give them a sense of Dignity. And from what I've seen so many of these people are so resourceful, one way or another, that all they need is a place where they can feel safe and I'm sure that we would be amazed at what they can contribute. I believe that the only way that you can remove the HOSTILITY is by removing the FEAR! From being left waiting for God on the scrap heap I've stopped blaming myself and ask WHY? Give them a chance to work their way Up in a safe environment with a chance at pay rises, etc, etc, just like the REAL WORLD and develop a sense of PRIDE and I'm sure most of them would surprise by how easily they rise above their own predicaments or, at least, bounce back and contribute. Maybe I'm just harping on about a Fools Paradise but I believe that is the sort of Society that Jesus would have wanted. And I'm sure that most of these people, although not myself, would be able to move into mainstream employment with ease if you just give them back their confidence.

Regarding TEGRETOL

Actually I can not find the notes I wrote but I said there was no Inquiry. I'm sorry to have misinformed because actually there was one but it was so forgettable I almost forgot. The Hospital Inspector looked into it but I'm still not sure as to whether that was an Inquiry or simply a "Cover Up". And since he calls me "Dramatic" I call him "Glib, Patronizing and Uncaring". What I'd really like to know is if Mathew, his son, is any better? I think David did instigate the meeting I had with Dr Timney who took it all very seriously and told me that I was the unfortunate, one in a million, that suffered serious adverse effects. I wonder if there's a Genuine Lawyer clever enough to find out how often that story is being told. I would hazard a guess that one in ten, not one in a million, have serious side effects, and that is just an A.C.C. Loop Hole that means EVERYONE BUT THE PATIENT GETS OFF SCOT FREE!

Dear John

Happy Easter and may the Easter Bunny be KIND to YOU also.

I'm not fussed on Killing Whales but I can say I'd back Sir Geoffry Palmer, and his Decisions, all the way to Next Christmas, because, though my intellect is comparatively LIGHTWEIGHT, I can at least recognise a Genuine Man when I see one!

Actually, I like the Japanese and I admire their culture - that is everything BUT WHALING and after hearing about that Anti-Whaling Activist languishing under false pretense I'd have to repeat that if the Japanese think the Minky Whales are the Coakroaches of the Seas then they'd have to be the Coakroaches of the Planet. But I suppose that I don't have to walk a Political Tightrope on an International Plain. I think Garrett from Midnight Oil might be right that we are taking a backward step but really I don't have a clue either way.


P.S. Do you know what Bunnies do to one another when they are stressed?
Apparently they nibble one another's ears.

Onion Shell

I go around trying to keep up appearances, like some sort of Mrs Bucket, pretending that things are O.K. even though I'm now going blind and can't even read a book. But after peeling back some of the layers of the onion, when I'm alone, I just cry. And after three years at least of feeling no emotion at all it is ACTUALLY ENJOYABLE to CRY! I'm "LABILE" at the moment which is a sure sign that I'll be crawling through My Psychiatrists Doors BEGGING FOR MERCY at some stage. Peter is watching me like a hawk and waiting for me to CRACK and I keep my tears even from him but I'M FED UP AND I WANT MY DOCTORS TO MAKE UP FOR THEIR MISTAKES AND OFFER THE ONLY KIND ALTERNATIVE WHICH IS THE DIGNITY OF DEATH BY EUTHANASIA. PLEASE!

And I want there to be a System which gives HOPE and PROTECTS it's FUTURE CLIENTS. I say this especially to the LEGAL PAPER SHUFFLERS. You know the ones, the ones that feign a genuine interest, shuffle paper, go home and denigrate their clients and laugh about the Gravy Train. There are some BEAUTIFUL GENUINE LAWYERS OUT THERE, JUST AS THERE ARE DOCTORS, BUT I'VE READ ENOUGH IN THE LAW LIBRARIES TO KNOW THAT PSYCHIATRIC PATIENTS STILL HAVE NO RIGHTS! What RIGHTS they apparently do have still amounts to nothing but LIP SERVICE in my books!

TEGRETOL

I cannot PROVE that TEGRETOL gave me BREAST CANCER but I will put forward some CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE. Firstly I'd like to say that it is probably safe for the majority of users, as they say, but the fact that my own Psychiatrist ignored the warning signs should have meant some sort of an inquiry. Of course it DIDN'T.

My first experience of TEGRETOL was when I had first left my husband and was trying to get myself stabilised as much as possible so that I would hopefully be balanced enough to maintain the responsibilities of motherhood. Dr Cliff put me on Tegretol. These anti epileptic drugs were considered a new way of treating Bi-Polar but to be effective one must be maintained at a THERAPEUTIC LEVEL. (That means quite a high amount for which one needs to have blood tests regularly because it can lower your immune dangerously)

Anyway, as I trusted my Doctors implicitly, I took it but I developed a lump in my left breast and called my Lawyer, Simon, about it. For that reason and others, when my husband took back my son from my mother, I concluded that it might be for the best because I was TERRIFIED of having to be maintained on these medicines anyway. Even though I was EMPHATICALLY ASSURED that TEGRETOL does not cause cancer.

Because of these assurances I gave Tegretol another go at a later stage and another lump appeared. Each of these lumps appeared within a short time period of taking the drug.
I'm a little hazy but I think it was the third round that did the MOST DAMAGE. This time it was the lovely Dr Timney that promised me that he would stabilise me out of Depression and wound the Tegretol up to the THERAPUTIC LEVEL. Within a couple of weeks I was home but I remember writing a letter to Dr Timney in the middle of the night saying that I was scratching like a Guerrilla and most worryingly couldn't ..................................... No response. Another one or two weeks later I went for my drug level test and got a phone call that I was to drop my Tegretol because it had dropped my white blood count below .4 which had thrown me into DANGER. On the lower dose my Immune had risen again, which was a relief, but what ASTOUNDED me at the time was that Dr Timney actually recommended then to take a higher dose than that which had caused my immune to drop in the first place. It was about the same time that I was almost screaming with pain in my left breast and hopping around my flat in agony. Dr Timney matter of factly told me that lowering my immune to DANGER LEVEL could cause cancer. THANKS. I dropped the drugs at that time in absolute frustration but I had also developed Tinnitus and by the way I could no longer balance my Bank Statements I have only CIRCUMSTANTIAL evidence that the Tegretol also caused BRAIN DAMAGE at the same time. I discovered later that it was when I wrote that letter about the fact that the Tegretol was causing the itching was when He SHOULD HAVE STOPPED IT because that is a basic WARNING SIGN. Much later when Eleni and I were going over my notes I discovered that letter had been removed from my file or perhaps was never even put in because I'd told him I couldn't...........................
Eleni urged me that it would probably be too stressful to make an A.C.C. claim and as we all know A.C.C. is a Gobble-De-Gook Nightmare that does anything BUT protect it's clients so I agreed with her. However, I did apply much later and was told by A.C.C. themselves that TEGRETOL does not cause cancer. Funny that because when the last lump appeared, a much larger one, and my lovely Psychiatrist Eleni got me in for treatment I was told by one of the Nurses in Radiology that the association between taking of TEGRETOL and people complaining that why they suspected they'd turned up the SEEMED TO BE A COMMON THEME!
At least in America the Drug Companies would have to give you a Princely Pay out. HERE you may as well give them the SPADE and let them BURY you ALIVE.

Give me a Straight Jacket or Shock Treatment PLEASE

To give an example of why I think that the present Psychiatric System IS STILL BARBARIC is that one of my lovely Psychiatrists told me, that, without Medication, the Average High of a Bi-Polar Patient would be TWO WEEKS. I used to go LUCID to the HOSPITAL requesting help because I could feel a High coming on. Unfortunately LARGATOL seemed only to intensify the High and they loaded me with "Enough to kill an Elephant" for 8 weeks in an average stay. And then I'd be put out into the Community with the intellectual dexterity of a four year old. I see how handicapped I was by the childishness of the drawings directly after leaving the Psychiatric Hospital. If I had my time over again I would DEMAND SHOCK TREATMENT because SHOCK TREATMENT is so effective at CALMING one down from a HIGH. Otherwise a STRAIGHT JACKET would still be PREFERABLE! Even my Psychiatric Nurse testified to the counter productivity of POURING LARGACTOL into people when it ISN'T CALMING THEM. Thankfully LARGACTOL is not quite as popular as it used to be but that is just one example of a hundred that I could give.

Dear John

I won my Golf. Only second Division but today I'm on a Natural High. Hope you had a good day too. I think you have at least one hundred silk ties - more than I have Palette and Jolly Cute!

I don't think your Cabinet should consider Mining Places such as the Kapnaga Block when people have gone to the trouble of planting Kauri. If you were to some how broker a deal with the Mining Companies that Our Country should get 50% instead of one dollar in the hundred you could afford to cut the area to be Mined by about 80-90% and still get the same dosh! How backward thinking are we that in the 21st Century we contemplate allowing such Daylight Robbery and not expect OUR FAIR SHARE? Broker a good deal, choose sites wisely and don't GIVE AWAY all the SILVER, or GOLD as it were PLEASE! I may be misinformed by Newspapers but I WAS ASTOUNDED!

Ideas on a Comparatively Sleepless Night

Paula is one of the strong and she fights for "Political Brownie Points". It all sounds very plausible but speaking from her high chair and her comfortable salary, to me, it seems nothing but a two faced argument.

The people who I feel sorry for are the Police. Caught in the middle of the angst between Rich and Poor, more and more they have to live life on the knife edge. They are the real Heroes. We follow other Societies like dumb sheep into a Humanitarian Abyss! God help us the day we follow the Americans and turn to Guns to stop the Anarchy!

Anyway - in the middle of a relatively sleepless night when I was contemplating the Humanity which we show the I.H.C. I think I found the Solution for Psychiatric Patients, Drugs Addicts and the Unemployed alike to give them a sense of Dignity and let them feel Part of the Community. I think Every Community should have Work Shops, or "Sweat Shops" as Paula would rather have it! Actually I don't think that at all. As it is we have developed to the stage of drop in centres which Society generally looks upon as a bunch of loosers and tossers but it would be not a huge step to offering these people payment for occupying their time. That way the Unemployed, for what ever reason, would have opportunity to acquire a sense of self-esteem and Dignity. Unlike Paula I think they should be paid the minimum hourly rate, just as we now pay the I.H.C, and I THINK it would be Humanitarian NOT to put a God Forsaken Lid on rewarding effort! After all, what is the hourly rate of Our Politicians and how can we be so mean as to quibble over dimes by comparison? In my opinion there should still be a secure basic benefit but an opportunity to become a dignified contributing member of Our Society. I think that would give the Unemployed a reason to have some self-esteem, the Drug Addicts something better to do and it would halve the need for Psychiatric Services because it would take away the feeling that a lot of These Human Beings have of being Generally Ostracized and therefore Distressed. I think it would even reduce Bullying and Angst and provide a Truly Decent Humanitarian Safety net that would help to keep OUR POLICE OFFICERS ALIVE!

Yesturday I went to the Op Shop

It was great to try and be helpful to one of the most diligent and dedicated ladies of the Op Shop. But half way through the day when I had almost forgotten my fears along the street strode my Psychiatrist. I'm not dumb enough to think that because nobody comments that nobody notices my ravings and I coloured up and ducked for cover. It is absolutely horrible that I feel isolated even from my own Shrink and I may be a miserable bitch that needs a pitchfork but I'm not about to stop. I was so distressed that I even contemplating suicide in my Dreams from the third floor of the Hospital but once again I was too cowardly! My Psychiatrist is one of the most decent Human Beings I have ever met in my entire life. I don't want to change my Doctor. I just want to change the Whole System. Dr Primrose said that we would likely look back and say that Psychiatric Care is Barbaric and I wholeheartedly agree with HIM!

Dear Paula Bennett

I agree that work is healthier for people than unemployment. I still think that the punitive policies of late are counter to encouraging people off the benefit. If we properly rewarded people for making an effort I'm sure people would start coming off benefits in droves. It would also reduce the crime rate ten fold. Expecting people to happily work for a dollar an hour over and above the extra 70 to 100 dollars per week is cruel, ridiculous and discriminatory. If even Treasury is against it you should revise and rediscover your own humanity.

You make out these people are criminals for being unemployed. What is criminal is to cynically keep people on benefits because it is cheaper than giving people the dignity of employment and then to come up with trite and hollow justifications! That's what they were saying on facebook anyway. "Subsistence" incomes, as Bill Birch called benefits, is not "Welfare" at all. One way or another it encourages and breeds division and crime. I know you were on the D.P.B. and I applaud your success but I'd like to see you live by your policies for more than a month and see how good it is for your mental health. And due to inflation I'm sure your D.P.B. went a lot further than it does today.

Dear John

I had an awful day at Flax Weaving. If Olanzepine does shrink the brain matter, as I suspect it does and has, the the brain is hardly likely to recover. Tegretol also gave me brain damage. I'm sorry for being so treacherous but I think it is high time that we faced up to the fact that we should offer the dignity of Euthanasia to those that have suffered quite enough.

One of my friends from last years class said that she can perfectly understand that, whether down to the dementing process of Mental Illness or down to the drugs that they give you, that if you can no longer LEARN what is there left in life to hold on to?

I'm only fifty and inspite of Tegretol giving me the cancer, physically I'm as strong as an Ox and could survive another thirty years. Well I say no thank you and enough is enough and, much as I adore you, I aim to make you so ANGRY with me that you DO put a BILL through.

We treat people with mental illness as if they are BUMS and SCUM and I'm not thanking you or anyone for the token compassion that leaves vulnerable people kicking around on this Planet only to become a business to whoever and I want out. But until I work up the courage to kill myself I'm going to remind you every day that Society needs to improve it's track record towards the Mentally Ill. By the way I was treated I was too scared to have a daughter and since Bi-Polar is genetic I will at least put forward as succinct an argument as I can that we owe these people a decent chance rather than let them rattle around like skeletons in their self imposed prisons until the day they die!

It is too late to offer me Dignity in Life so offer me the Dignity of Death by Euthanasia PLEASE!
I'm hardly an Ambassador for Mental Illness but I've watched the torturous poses of my fellows enough to know that the problems are not just the Mental Illness but pretending not to notice the hostility toward them by Society in general and more must be done, much more!

Dear John Letters

I've decided to write a letter to Our Dear Prime Minister every day until he either gives me a job or gives me Euthanasia. I'm sure John would probably prefer that he could give me the later by the time I've finished but there we have it.

Actually the job I want is to play the Harp and I want $1,000 a week to do so. As I have said you are worth ten of me but NOT 40. And what's more I'd like you to buy me the Harp so that I can remember you every time I touch it! I'll have to practise for a while but if I worked at it for a while I'm sure I would be able to provide background music for Parliament!

I've had a good day today so I don't need Euthanasia today but the time will come when I DO NEED it and I appeal to YOUR HUMANITY to set up such an enablement. PLEASE!

The Changes to Welfare seem Penal

The way to get people back into work is not by penalising them but encouraging them! Let them work as much as they can up to the average wage. At the moment the minimum wage is still too low for people to survive comfortably. The gap between rich and poor is still too great. A Decent Society would not allow such discrepancy! We judge those that are weaker than ourselves without giving them a fair go. Give them work, a decent wage and Dignity!

People will be saying that I have an attitude problem!

Which may be correct but after looking at my fellow sufferers and seeing the fear I say the general attitude towards sufferers of Mental Illness is still far from Humane. At the moment people have to survive with little or no Hope in sight. That is not good enough.

So effectively I'm a time bomb!

But I did notice that on the Olanzepine, which is still my drug of choice as P.R.N., I was starting to behave more and more as a stressed animal would in ways that are too personal to mention. Those are the sorts of things that you wouldn't even admit to a Psychiatrist. Those are the indicators that a clever psychiatrist would look for when most of us are trying to disguise our foibles so that we can escape back to whatever closet we came from.

What the Hell!

Actually I'm off the Olanzepine and today I have had a great day! Each day is like walking the gauntlet but today was worth the walk. I went to Pottery and everyone was so pleased to have me back that I have to say that there ARE genuinely Humane and Decent people Everywhere.
And when I went for my walk one of the Golf ladies stopped and chatted to me and it is at times like that it is just great to be alive and living in a small town despite the gossip.

I made Penguins at Pottery today and have decided that the simple form might be my forte.

My Sister thinks I'm sounding better and so does my ex-husband. He thinks that the answer to all my problems is medication so I let him believe that I'm still on it.

So I have dug a twenty four foot ditch!

Deep enough for three graves and I can't quite take the leap! Actually I believe that my psychiatrists are genuinely noble human beings trying to do their level best for their patients. But the recipe is simple. If you want to integrate people into Society don't expect them to have to "walk the pank" in the "real world" and paddle up hill against the hostility because it doesn't work most of the time. Give them work and dignity and keep them occupied and you would halve their fears and anxieties and perhaps the crime rate at the same time. I spent years training for work getting A's and B+'s but knowing that the gossip was hostile and being discouraged from even applying for work. The only work I did get was in retail on minimum wage and only working half weeks I was getting less than on the benefit. And when the rules of beneficiary employ discourage people from finding work and take away the reward for effort the System is breeding long term unemployed.

Slavery

In my opinion we haven't abolished Slavery at all. We've just got clever and now expect the slaves to pay for their own accommodation! In a Humane Society we would not have a pay rate of hundreds of thousands or millions for the rich and then a minimum wage that does not begin to cover living necessities. We may be "Humane" by World standards but the gap is insulting and degrading to simple honest working people.

Apparently Olanzepine causes Gray Matter Shrinkage in Monkeys

Apparently Olanzepine causes Gray Matter shrinkage in Monkeys and aren't I stupid for not reading up earlier.

You know you are in trouble when it becomes obvious that your psychiatrists have moved into damage control.

This is NOT the way to Win Friends and Influence People!

Apart from a loyal, loving partner and Beautiful Son I would not be surprised if I had to carry my own coffin to my own funeral for expressing my opinion of the Mental Health System and the attitude of our Society. It is a bit of a concern but I have nothing left to loose so why not be a loose cannon and deliver some Home Truths. Our Media is so quick to sum up whether victims of crime "make the grade" as Human Beings. If such and such was well loved and did good deeds within their community they deserve to be remembered kindly. Otherwise no great loss even if they were the Victim. The undercurrent within our Society is so Cynical that I have decided it is my turn to be Cynical. Unless you are successful somehow you are dehumanised and eliminated from decent Society. Generally people are still nice to you so long as they are getting their own way. But if you dare to contradict you'll find the hostility that lurks beneath the surface, towards the Mentally Ill, displays itself vehemently.

Bitter and Twisted

I suppose, by now, you think that if I am so Bitter and Twisted that I should do the decent thing and run away and Top myself. Tried that and I'm too much of a Coward! But, in actual fact, I hope that my family have more children and I would hope that by the time any of them exhibit with Symptoms of Mental Illness that we offer them genuine Hope instead of just making a business of their suffering which is how I see it is now.

Apparently We have Hospital Inspectors that are supposed to protect Patients interests

Apparently we, the nutters within our Society, have the protection of Legal Advocates, Hospital Inspectors and Health and Disability Commissioners.

When even these people are the first to remind you to run away and take your DRUGS if you put forward a Complaint to quote Cathy Flynn, a Mental Health Hospital Inspector. And the likes of David Bates broadcasts that you are quote "Dramatic" because you complain that the drug Tegretol may have given you Breast Cancer - which in fact it did. Of course it is true that I AM "dramatic" but it is also true that David's number plate was KMATOL, WHICH HE TOLD ME WAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH A DRUG COMPANY. And when Lawyers such as Jenny Screech visit you in the Institution and charge you $750 (almost twenty years ago) to do nothing more than agree to the care regime I say that this whole "Protection for the Mentally Ill" is nothing but a "Gravy Train" and a COMPLETE CHARADE! My main complaint was that when dis-inhibited I usually ended up having sex with other Patients. Even the Head Psychiatrist told me off as if it was MY FAULT that when I was out of my mind I was having sex with all and sundry!

When I complained, for the same reason, to the Health and Disability Commissioner I was fobbed off with more trite and condescending prose.

And if you decide that I need to be injected

PLEASE MAKE IT LETHAL!

My Psychiatrist said"With Respect you are Not Depressed"

Last time I saw my psychiatrist he said"With respect - You are Not Depressed". It seems I may be Bi-Polar and I may get High but because I do no "Look" Depressed I am not depressed! Never mind if I am writing suicide notes fantasizing about committing suicide or putting my head through a noose. Oh no! I was told that if I think that I am lazy I should change my behaviour and pull my finger out. I was also told that my present state, after thirty years of living with chronic mental illness, was nothing to do with Mental Illness. So Trite, so Glib, and SO CONDESCENDING! I think my Psychiatrist is a genuinely kind and mild mannered man but comments like that lead me to believe that Psychiatry is the Most Cynical Profession on Earth. Anyway - You can't loose. You get given an exceedingly generous pay packet to hand out drugs to your clients who are generally so DESPERATE and GRATEFUL that they don't care if the side-effects can kill them. And it matters not whether the patients are DEMENTED from their Mental Illness or the DRUGS they are given and who the hell cares either way because these people are nothing but a problem - right?. From asking for Shock Treatment because I was SO SO Desperate I decided that if my psychiatrist tells me I'm not depressed well I must be either DEMENTED or completely over medicated. So I cut my meds in half and I'm am pleased to say that I am half as DEMENTED as I was! I loathe being a psychiatric patient and I want Euthanasia accorded to me now that I can no longer cope with the inhumane prejudices of our Society. And I don't want the DRUGS so let me out of here. I've had at least THIRTY breakdowns. Where is the Humanity that expects me to have THIRTY more!

The "Mental Health Cistern"

Long ago I coined the phrase that the "Mental Health System" was more like the "Mental Health Cistern". Somewhere I have the drawing of two psychiatrists flushing a fairy down a toilet. There have been improvements in the Mental Health system but they are generally token and the New Psychiatric care centres such as the Henry Bennett may as well be one huge toilet for the lack of sense of Asylum that they appropriate. Gone are the open grounds for people to roam in with a sense of safety and freedom from tyranny. Gone is the range of Occupational Therapy. Gone are the Dances. Gone is the sense of Community which is replaced by Confinement which, I believe, only helps to compound the distress of clients. Generally clients revolve between the community and the Psychiatric Ward. The Community is still, for the most part, Hostile, and does not differentiate between Victims and Forensic Criminals. The basic skeleton for integrating Psychiatric Patients is so faulty that most don't stand a chance in hostile, unwelcoming communities. For Christs Sake and I mean for Christs Sake give the poor Bastards Work if you are going to let them live in the Community so that they can be seen to be making a contribution rather than simply interpreted as a threat to the peace of the Community!

It is rather "Fun" to for the first time be Honest about my experiences in the "Mental Health System"

It is so great to have a bitch.
Most people still simply condemn people with Mental Health Issues as selfish, lazy, etc, etc.
I am really angry because I was an innocent woman with honourable intention. All I wanted from life was a family and to achieve that I had to settle for a drunk! When I fell in love with my doctor because he was compassionate and had the same I.Q. level he accused me of being "fixated". Normal people fall in love whilst Mental Patients become fixated! The put downs and the degradations are endless. I could write all the way to the moon. When people can't say a nice thing about you behind your back why should we expect condemned people to go on living?
We like to kid ourselves that we have Humanity by offering a subsistence allowance for the unemployed and mentally unwell beneficiaries that ill afford the necessities of life whilst the Strong live like fatted cats on as much as 200 X the amount that the beneficiaries are expected to live on. If every action tends to treat the weak like they are scum in spite of our protestations of Humanity then why don't we just line them up and shoot them. Living with the alienation of Mental Illness would make a gun being pointed at your head seem sympathetic.

I am told that I have no Choice but to be Positive

My psychiatrist throws out little platitudes every time I see him. He knows I'm screwed and I know I'm screwed. He makes observations of fascination that my Artistic abilities still seemed to be intact. To me that tells me that, in his opinion, I was otherwise a mental cripple. In frustration he tells me that I should enjoy a cup of tea. In other words I should just be happy no matter how complex and difficult every day life is becoming. Another psychiatrist told me that I have a lot to live for - My son - who, of course, I love dearly, but who was taken away from me when I dared to leave my marriage. Inspite of this, up till now I have managed to be a reasonably good mother. But I do not think that if the Psychiatric System has so succinctly failed me that he should have to watch his mother suffer with lost faculties for as much as thirty odd years. It is just an insult to peoples intelligence to expect them to be "Happy" when they know that they are no longer coping. Sure I can get all the help I want NOW that I am screwed. But I say I don't want help because I no longer have the where-with-all or the confidence in myself to utilise the resources. So I say do the decent and Humane thing and allow me the choice of Euthanasia and accept people with Mental Health Issues by giving them the dignity of employment rather than let them rattle around in closets for their remaining lives until they completely loose their minds.

My psychiatrist wrote a letter to my flax weaving Tutor. In it he said "Due to the acute worsening of her chronic mental illness" she was not able to concentrate. This was supposed to be a letter to cover me so that I could return to Flax Weaving. I felt so degraded by the truth of this letter that I could not pass it on. Clearly though it displays the futility and frustration of existing with full blown Mental Illness. The Tax Payers spend all their time moaning about people like me with hostility. And I don't want to live so why waste money on my life?

Actually I knew I was "Different" when I was Five

And lived with the terror of becoming stigmatised ever since. And it seems to me if people within the "Mental Health" System just throw drugs at you instead of caring for the psychological needs of the patient then claiming the Moral high ground about caring for Human Beings is very hypocritical. The very first time I presented in a "High" was when I was sexually abused. No counselling - not even any curiosity. It would seem if they stick a diagnosis of "Bi-Polar" on you Drugs are somehow all you deserve. Another time I entered directly after a murder attempt had been made on my life. Still no curiosity and it was as if I was guilty because I was Bi-Polar. In my opinion, when the chips are down, no one sticks up for the Mentally Ill. There should automatically be a guardian or advocate appointed from outside the family appointed because people suffering from Mental Illness are often Identity Factors in dysfunctional families. The last straw, however, was being accused of sexually molesting my own child, and not being protected against vicious accusations by my Lawyers. I wanted a defamation action to be undertaken. I don't think I ever recovered from that. Patients Rights are still not protected in the "Mental Health System" and the Legal System. It seems such an empty parade that patients rights are supposedly protected, when, if you make a complaint you are fobbed off with nothing short of veiled contempt.

Victims if Crime have Less Right than Prisoners

I often think that those that commit crimes have it sweet compared to their victims. The criminals get three square meals per day in comfortable accommodation with education. The victims get left entirely to their own devices with little or no support.

Work

The first mistake is to not give these people work. Often people that suffer from Mental Illness are highly intelligent and capable human beings. We give the opportunity of work to people with Down Syndrome. If we gave people with Mental Illness the dignity of work I believe that these people's need for Mental Health Services would be drastically reduced.

I also believe that we would be delighted by the productivity that allowing them this dignity would provide. Perhaps a system of job pooling would work so that if someone is unwell another could fill in for them. But from my own experience, until recently, when I was given work I never missed a day. It was only during periods of unemployment that I indulged myself in Bi-Polar episodes. On that basis I believe that the Stigmatization of Mental Illness breeds upon itself and not giving patients the opportunity to work hinders recovery.

Idle hands are the devils workshop and foster crime and suicide in the unemployed. The cost to society is so great that it makes sense to keep people occupied and feeling as if they are contributing to Society. It could possibly halve the need of Law and Order and the burden on the Health System and for those reasons alone I believe such a tactic should be employed. The hostility towards the Mentally Ill would be reduced giving them breathing space and a feeling of acceptance which is still so lacking today.

We give work to people inside Prisons. Why not give them work outside the Prison to stop them committing most of the crimes in the first place? It costs $90,000 to keep someone in Prison which is enough to keep at least five people employed on the outside.

In spite of having successfully trained as a Legal Secretary my own doctor said "It would be cruelty to dumb..." meaning dumb animals to employ me as a receptionist. It is this sort of cynicism which needs to be addressed if people are to live happy and fulfilling lives.

I also trained as a psychiatric nurse and got an A in clinical in the Introduction and was given a D in Practical. I believe that this was a false mark given with the sole purpose of weeding me out because it was observed that I might be Bi-Polar like my mother. I was told I should become an Artist. Art is fine as a hobby but it doesn't often pay the bills unless you are first rate. It is sad that the very institution that treats people with Mental Illness stigmatised and shunned me because I was Bi-Polar.

Physically I'm as strong as an Ox but I don't want to spend the rest of my life, which could be another thirty years, rattling around in fear, hopelessness and isolation.

I put my own Life forward as an example of the present failures in the Mental Health System

I am going to use my own life as an example of where the present Health System failed me and put forward ideas how this suffering may have been averted so that future clients of the Mental Health System might be able to live more fulfilling lives.

I was born into Mental Illness. My mother was Bi-Polar and I was taken from her at birth and looked after for six weeks by my Grandmother. I was the second child and I honestly believe that, in this time of overpopulation of the Planet, we should consider restricting multiple births to people who suffer severely from Mental Illness and other serious Health Issues. Thus we could reduce the human cost of suffering in future generations. Children need stimulation if they are to thrive and my mother was so lost and isolated I believe that she was unable to provide the necessary level of care to enable socialisation of her children.

I watched my mother suffer the humiliations and degradations of being stigmatised and when I was 16 I wrote a speech on Euthanasia. It seemed to me that she was living a life of Hell and I believed that she should be able to have the option of Euthanasia. My mother, in her old age, has since gone on to find happiness in her golden years in a nursing home but I argue now for the right to have the choice of Euthanasia for myself.

To Live Like a Dog

Many people believe that Euthanasia should be an option for people dying of cancer and terminal illness but I would like to argue for the right of Mental Health Patients to be able to choose Euthanasia after ten years of treatment.

The Mental Health System applies a band-aid approach to the care of its consumers. The way it stands at the moment the care of often too little too late and it leads to lives of interminable suffering. I believe that it would be humane to limit this suffering through Euthanasia.

Psychiatry, as it stands, is the Cinderella of the Health System and if people were able to choose an end to their suffering I believe that more effort would be put into giving Mental Health Patients the comprehensive care that they need instead of investing so much time and money on people that have fallen to the bottom of the cliff. Most of the Mental Health Budget is taken up with supporting people who have completely lost hope and it is such a futile way to treat the Mentally Ill. The whole System needs a revamp and an attitude shift if we are to really help the Mentally Ill in positive and constructive ways.

Most psych survivors lead happy and fulfilling lives with support of friends and family but there are those that drift through life sentence and life sentence of desperation. It is for these people that I believe we should have the Humanity to offer Euthanasia as a way to escape that interminable suffering.