MY SOLUTION

My solution would be to have a town or city PILOTED to give all it's citizens work. People would be Mentally and physically healthier and there would be less crime and with less need for POLICE and health intervention the costs would balance out. Everyone would be healthier and happier and we would have a truly CIVILISED Society. I know it sounds and probably is naive but that is MY SOLUTION. I believe that so much creative intelligence is lost to one form or another of Mental Illness that we should do something. PLEASE!

SO AT LEAST THERE IS NO LONGER ANY WONDER AS TO WHY PEOPLE COMMIT SUICIDE

At the Bottom of the Cliff

At the bottom of the cliff everyone runs around trying to put back the pieces and coax you back to the positive side of life and behave in exemplary fashion. But I think it's all a pathetic waste of the "Health" dollar really. Plenty of people have jobs but their patients chance at quality of life is not improved greatly.

You know you are not doing very well when even your fellow psychiatric patients shun you and perhaps I have got the recipe wrong and should be grateful that I have the support I do have.

But I'm sick of the PLATITUDES!
PLEASE GIVE ME AN OUT!

I was Traumatised from the Age of Five

I was traumatised from the age of five my fear of having a Mental Illness was so great. Seeing how cruelly my mother was patronised and condemned and knowing that I was "different". I've spent the rest of my life trying to run from that fear but I have had a guts full. I had the I.Q. of a Mensa when I was young but because of the stress of trying to make the grade and trying to fit in either Breakdowns or Psychiatric Medicine have literally "fried" my mind. I am desperate and vulnerable and have been tortured and shunned most of most of my life. We care more about the treatment of chimpanzees than the Mentally Ill. Perhaps survival of the fittest is how it goes but if we are to go with that phillosophy I think we should be kind enough to the Mentally Ill and Euthanaise them. If we had a "Christian" Society we would make a place for them and give them occupation as we do with I.H.C. I am ANGRY and DISGUSTED with the way we treat the Mentally Ill!

The Scrap Heap of Human Souls

Nobody wants to be on a Human Scrap Heap and a Humane Society wouldn't have one. Our Society is a wonderful place for the talented and successful but it is full of loathing and contempt for those that are not as adept and learned or capable. We pick out people's weaknesses and use that as a way to justify their condemnation. The only way that I could cope with the tirade of criticisms was to live in a complete fantasy world and cling desperately to HOPE. Now that I've completely lost HOPE I can tell the Truth about my situation. People are NOT accepting of the Mentally Ill. They are generally cruel and judgemental to the point where the Mentally Ill person has trouble going to the Grocery Department even to get food. I've had the finger pointed at me for years and I've decided it is time to point the finger back! Sure I compounded things by turning to marijuana and really going completely out of my mind but I never stood a chance in the first place. We pride ourselves on a few warm fuzzy ads about accepting the Mentally Ill when in reality we laugh at, or mock or condemn them. Mental Illness would not be such an issue in our Society if we closed the "Abyss" which people currently fall into and gave people HOPE.

I've become Cynical

Actually I do believe Psychiatrists care. Why would they choose to be Psychiatrists if they didn't care? But when their magic potions don't work they lay the blame at the feet of their patient. We are now enemies and they don't have the decency to Euthanaise me. People live every day with the fear that they might become Mentally Ill. That is most people's worst nightmare and when it does happen and you are desperate and people do nothing but take advantage or condescend you are supposed to remain grateful and grin and bear it until you completely loose your mind. Personally I think it would be kinder to line Psychiatric Patients up against a wall and shoot them. One way or another they will always be at the mercy of other people's kindness unless we take it upon ourselves as a Society to protect the Mentally Ill. We don't give them WORK and therefore don't give them HOPE. I feel that I have had to live as a condemned woman ever since my first Breakdown and that I could be more positive if I were on death row because at least there would be an end to the suffering. To be Raped and have a murder attempt upon one's life and to realise that Justice does not apply to the Mentally Ill, to be wrongfully accused of molesting your own child when child molesting is not in my vocabulary, to have your child taken from you when you have been a good mother. All these things make you realise that, when the chips are down, there are NO RIGHTS for the Mentally Ill so why not JUST SHOOT THEM? And when the drugs cause Breast Cancer and A.C.C. won't even recognise the fact wouldn't anyone feel angry.

I saw My Psychiatrist Yesterday

I saw my Psychiatrist yesterday and when I tried to tell him that leaving people isolated in the community was worse than having them in Asylums he said to me to try and look at the "Positives" He also quoted "Lord give me the Wisdom to change what I can change and........................the wisdom to see what I can't change and know the difference". He's a lovely man and his advice is quite sensible and practical but I would like to see things change so that people who are diagnosed with a Mental Illness do not suffer quite to the same extent. For the Psychiatrist a patients suffering is actually their "Business" so why would they really care about trying to PREVENT that suffering? Too many of our young people are falling through the cracks in our Capitalist Society and we look towards those people with anger, hatred and hostility and they look back with the same emotions. If we want a comparatively Crime free Society we should be tailoring work for each and every citizen so that they can have the dignity of occupation. I believe that is the KEY.

What I really think is that he is glib and PATRONISING and sits on his PERCH judging those that have completely lost HOPE WITHOUT TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHY they have completely lost HOPE.

My Psychiatric Nurse came today

He's a wonderful humanitarian and I have only praise for him. But even he thinks that with the click of a finger you should suddenly be well again. Put on a grin. Race around like a "Blue Arse" and pretend that life is "Wonderful" even though everyone condescends and mocks. Life is not fair but I would hazard a guess that most psychiatric patients are here only because they are too cowardly to commit suicide and not because they actually "WANT" to be here. I think if you gave Psychiatric Patients the option of Euthanasia there would be a very long Que and perhaps we might be forced to address the reasons why psychiatric patients were lining up for an OUT!
As it is we judge them and condemn them and tolerate them in Society only in as much as it proves to be a cost cutting exercise to keep them OUT of Asylum. Psychiatrists have license to pour any amount of poisonous drugs into their patients and are seldom pulled up by the law unless it actually KILLS them. The same Psychiatrist that said "We take Suicide very seriously" would not offer more than a "Grunt" when I said hello when in Hospital if I wasn't in Consultation. They know I'm MAD and I know I'm mad and the bush telegraph works so well that I was almost denied the opportunity of staying at the Cancer Lodge because I'm notoriously despised and yet I'm shoved out into the community to drive my poor guileless partner mad with my Depression and Insanity. I feel BURIED ALIVE and yet Euthanasia is NOT an Option. HELL started for me with my first breakdown and won't end until I die and yet people can't understand Suicide and won't allow Euthanasia.

I Know that I Shouldn't Bitch

But that is just the point. People with a Mental Illness tend to internalise their anger until some of them race out and kill twenty people at once and then we ask WHY WHY WHY? In spite of not having a tendency to violence myself I find it all too easy to answer WHY. Our Society, as it is, tends to only value people that are successful. We don't include each and every citizen and give them a chance at participating and having dignity we can fully expect that the level of violence will only increase. Already our Police are turning to their fire arms and we are following the American example. We used to have a country that was considered a "Fools Paradise" and now instead we have more and more people live in gated communities because of the gap between rich and poor. That's all very well if you're not a Statistic but more and more people are in one form or another.

As for the Mentally Ill we allow them to live in "freedom" whilst shunning them or judging them or pitying them. No wonder John Kirwan had visualisations of becoming a Hobo. No wonder so many people are so frightened of Mental Illness that they condemn people's weakness because there is no where for people to go but down unless you are either very strong or lucky. In the three years that I was 'training" for work I hardly had one sick day. Living with the hopelessness of not quite making it into the work force and just languishing is enough to precipitate Mental Illness in itself. It also predisposes people to rely heavily on Drug and Alcohol use to numb the pain. All these things have a negative impact on our Society as a whole. Psychiatry and Psychology become Big Business when it is the framework of our Society that needs to go under the microscope if we are to create a "Wholesome Society". As it is I no longer see myself as being "fit" for work even if I had opportunity because unemployment only feeds insanity.

When HOPE is a Dillusion!

I saw a lady the other day that remembered me from school. She remembered me as one of the brightest girls in school. That was kind. It's complicated trying to express how HOPELESS it is for people that are diagnosed with a mental illness but once you are diagnosed it seems that you should grovel and kiss arse and be grateful that you get a benefit and have the right to a "Subsist ant existence" on a benefit. Well I'm sick of it! I can't commit suicide so I argue for Euthanasia. When you are dependent on pity and patronising judgemental care I say when is enough enough!

All Blacks Don't Cry

I read John Kirwin's book. An excellent read and full of HOPE. John Kirwin was my favourite All Black of all time. I rated him above Jonah for his dexterity. It took me two days to read it and it was the most reading I've done in months. I enjoyed it so much but I note that John is coming from a position where he has recovered and has managed the fairy tale recovery. Apparently he has been well for years and doesn't fear Mental Illness. But Depression is different from Bi-Polar and Schizophrenia. The fairy tale recovery often doesn't happen and in my case I would say that I have had not one, but over thirty mental breakdowns. Each time with suicidal depression and who could blame me. I pull myself out of it only to slide down the slippery slope again. I don't mean to be ungrateful to all the lovely people that have helped me along the way but I simply ask "Shouldn't the choice for Euthanasia be an option after 10 years?" Many people respond well with medication and live relatively normal lives but there are some, like myself, never quite recover enough to live the fairy tale. I am angry with the inhumanity with which the Purists argue that euthanasia should not be an option for the Mentally unwell when they don't know what it like to slip down the Abyss or what it is like to live like a Skeleton in a Closet for most of one's life and envy those who live in Prison. I liken it to the Moralist's next best thing to wanking because that's their way of getting off without empathising. And I hate to be so honest but I think it is total hypocrisy not to understand why people with no work prospects and diminished faculties would fear a life worse than death with little or no HOPE!

Under the Microscope

We put Mental Patients under the Microscope to try and find out what is wrong with them. I accept that I am all but completely insane 90% of the time. I started out hating myself for my own weakness. Now I simply can't believe that I live in a Society that is still so condemning and judgemental. The onus should not be upon the weak within our society to make themselves strong so that they fit in because that is simply impossible for most people with mental illness. If we were to have a Humane Society we would find occupation for these people that illustrates acceptance. We do this with I.H.C. If we do not do this the experiment of leaving people languishing in the community in almost complete isolation as a cost saving exercise is actually crueler than having people living in Mental Institutions. All my life I have never quite made the grade as a "Normal" person . Perhaps it was Brain Damage that started this Spiral into Insanity but whatever it was it has certainly given me a unique perspective. I am now BLAMED for my catastrophic fall from "Grace" into smoking Marijuana and the finger is pointed firmly at me for my failure and lack of control. But when I look back I didn't have a FUCKING CHANCE in the first place. I saw as a child how traumatised my mother was before me and that instilled such fear that naturally I isolated myself from a young age. But if we want to offer a Society that is conducive to the Mental Health of it's citizens we must stop focusing on what is wrong with the Mentally Ill and focus on why people are becoming Mentally unwell. I think a Holistic approach to Mental Illness would be much better than conveniently drugging the Victims as is most often the case. We must give each and every person in our Society the opportunity and dignity of work, however menial, or expect more violence and crime.

I've changed my Mind

Actually LOVE is not the answer at all. It is HUMAN RIGHTS for the Mentally Ill that is most important for people like myself to survive in our Society. I'm too much of a Stressed Bunny for there to be any HOPE for me other than living in utter desperation. I believe that I have been treated so CRUELLY that I DESERVE Euthanasia and that it is only hypocricy that prevents it happening.