Sunday, July 3, 2016
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Oh that,s Right
I Campaigned for my own Euthanasia
At Parliament
24 Years Ago
My Father
Raped me
My Brother didn't care
My father
Attempted
To Murder me...
But the Police
Didn't Care
The Psychiatric Hospital
Didn't Care
They Drugged me.....
They gave me
Cancer
But the Hospital Inspector
And ACC didn't care
Their Psychiatric Medicines
Have robbed me of my Life Skills
And gave me a Drug Olanzepine
Which doesn't calm you
In the long run
The Nobody Home buzz
The Anti Psychotic that used Long Term
Makes you Permanently Psychotic
Why not place me
In a FORESNIC UNIT
Where I can Debate
Why I should not have the RIGHT
to Euthanasia
When I have to call up
My own Brother
To put a Bullet
In my Head
Because I simply cannot
Contain my Rage
Don't I at least Deserve the Right
To be Euthanised ?
Psychiatry is an Out dated Religion
Every Child
Even the Mentally Ill
Need Occupation
Presently Our Society
Treats the Mentally Ill
As lucky if they get to be Cleaners
PLEASE DON'T DRUG VICTIMS
Give them a Chance
At Parliament
24 Years Ago
My Father
Raped me
My Brother didn't care
My father
Attempted
To Murder me...
But the Police
Didn't Care
The Psychiatric Hospital
Didn't Care
They Drugged me.....
They gave me
Cancer
But the Hospital Inspector
And ACC didn't care
Their Psychiatric Medicines
Have robbed me of my Life Skills
And gave me a Drug Olanzepine
Which doesn't calm you
In the long run
The Nobody Home buzz
The Anti Psychotic that used Long Term
Makes you Permanently Psychotic
Why not place me
In a FORESNIC UNIT
Where I can Debate
Why I should not have the RIGHT
to Euthanasia
When I have to call up
My own Brother
To put a Bullet
In my Head
Because I simply cannot
Contain my Rage
Don't I at least Deserve the Right
To be Euthanised ?
Psychiatry is an Out dated Religion
Every Child
Even the Mentally Ill
Need Occupation
Presently Our Society
Treats the Mentally Ill
As lucky if they get to be Cleaners
PLEASE DON'T DRUG VICTIMS
Give them a Chance
One of the cleverest in my class
Why do the Psychiatrists bother with Labels in the first place anyway? Why not just call their patients "fuck wits" because that's what they call them behind their backs anyway....
One doctor referring to another patient called this human being "Half Baked". Half Baked because of Psychiatric Drugs and Half Baked because of the pressure of Stigma and the inevitable isolation if you have a lapse in your mental health. Where are the second chances if that's the attitude even in the medical Profession? Men would get more comfort from a Prostitute than a hypocritical Psychiatrist that spends his time observing your nuances, telling you going to be fine in a harsh and cruel Society whilst avoiding you like the plague out of consultation and probably warning all their colleagues about you and all their friends and their associates. Isn't that the truth of how the Psychiatric System works?
Psychologists can be just as bad. Confide in them and I had one psychologist warning my boyfriend of the danger of getting involved with "damaged goods". You don't stand a chance when the very people that are supposed to be caring for you view you in such a negative light. Where's the integrity of service to the humanity of the sufferer if all they see are their faults?
David Bates, a Hospital Inspector, said he didn't know where to place me on the continuum. Aren't most Psychiatric Patients placed at the very bottom of the heap....rubbish rejects only good for a conversation whilst making a buck out of their plight. To Lawyers dealing with the Mentally Ill is jokingly referred to as the "Gravy Train". They'd be much better in the bedroom than they are at protecting their clients anyway. It's all such a farce they may as well not bother!
One doctor referring to another patient called this human being "Half Baked". Half Baked because of Psychiatric Drugs and Half Baked because of the pressure of Stigma and the inevitable isolation if you have a lapse in your mental health. Where are the second chances if that's the attitude even in the medical Profession? Men would get more comfort from a Prostitute than a hypocritical Psychiatrist that spends his time observing your nuances, telling you going to be fine in a harsh and cruel Society whilst avoiding you like the plague out of consultation and probably warning all their colleagues about you and all their friends and their associates. Isn't that the truth of how the Psychiatric System works?
Psychologists can be just as bad. Confide in them and I had one psychologist warning my boyfriend of the danger of getting involved with "damaged goods". You don't stand a chance when the very people that are supposed to be caring for you view you in such a negative light. Where's the integrity of service to the humanity of the sufferer if all they see are their faults?
David Bates, a Hospital Inspector, said he didn't know where to place me on the continuum. Aren't most Psychiatric Patients placed at the very bottom of the heap....rubbish rejects only good for a conversation whilst making a buck out of their plight. To Lawyers dealing with the Mentally Ill is jokingly referred to as the "Gravy Train". They'd be much better in the bedroom than they are at protecting their clients anyway. It's all such a farce they may as well not bother!
Friday, July 1, 2016
Utterly Depressed
Started taking the Epilim again tonight. When all else fails at least I have a crutch to fall on....even if it makes me ill...even if it kills me.......
It's not the Epilim that did the major damage. It was that drug Olanzepine. Twelve years fried my brains. Shit I can't even KNIT!
Actually it was the last straw of a succession of powerful psychiatric drugs which Psychiatrists administered ad-lib to calm me down from reeling from victimisation in a dysfunctional family.
I did not speak of the sexual abuse......too ashamed, until years later but when I went to Kingseat Hospital complaining of attempted murder no one acknowledged the danger that I was in. Nobody counselled me, nobody helped me. They just used their sure fire cop out solution of medicating me. When even the Police complain that you've wasted their time by calling them how am I supposed to react? Am I that Sub-human and if that is a fact why then have I not the RIGHT to insist that they line me up against a wall and SHOOT me?
Am I a patient, am I human, or am I the enemy. To solve the problem of the abuse and the attempted murder they, in my opinion, punished me with intense regimes of medication which would leave me trying to cope as a young adult with the intellect of a four year old. Regularly dosing me with over 1000 mg of Largactil for eight week periods, which I believe was chronic overdosing that made me more disturbed than ever because of my sensitivity to the medication always made me fall into suicidal depression and it usually took 6 months for me to recover. I did a drawing in Ode to Cat Stevens of a Mosk?? in Hamilton and looked back on it with shock at how childlike the work was. It certainly illustrated the damage that was done to my brain. Unfortunately the week I recovered was the week I was in for another round of intensive drugging. I go for help because of tension in the family. When my father called me a maggot because I forgot my handbag, etc, etc. They may as well have put my brain in a frying pan and eaten it for all the damage the continual overdosing caused. I wasn't the only one that suffered in this way. I saw many beautiful young women, possibly also victimised in frenzied states from the drug regimes of our Psychiatric Hospitals.
Eventually I claimed ACC and received ten weeks counselling with Maureen Trainer and she likened the abuse to a Horror Story but the counselling ended and the abuse went on. Psychiatry has it's place but the Culture in this country is arrogant and punishing of the Victim.
I've cost this country thousands and thousands of dollars just to keep me alive so I can BITCH.
To add insult to injury I believe I was gang raped by a charge nurse called Graham and his henchmen after they put me in a side cell and drugged me. I was doing absolutely nothing but standing in the yard before they called me in to the side cell and I was so distressed I was trying to change my DNA with the toilet paper when I woke up in my side room. I woke in such a state of panic that I was almost asphyxiated and spent a long time breathing through a one inch crack in the side room window. Of course they always get away with it because, drugged, what would I remember. It did not help having a Rapid response nurse pointedly asking me if I remembered Graham. How could I forget but I did not know the "henchmen".
Perhaps those were the bad old days but recently I was told that a P. A. who I actually liked in Waikato had been caught by another client raping a female in the Ward. The lack of respect towards the psychiatrically ill is absolutely disgusting and it is all buried under the carpet.
All the MISTAKES with medication are also played down and buried and their is so little accountability that it is not a wonder I've got to the stage that I said I felt like murdering six Psychiatrists and being put in a Forensic Unit for the anger and the rage that they have inspired in me.
They've fried me and taken away my life skills anyway so why not give the the safety and security of a Forensic Ward.
They talk compassionately about the poor bastards that have been inadvertently or I prefer to say negligently obliterated with Antipsychotics in the old Hospitals and yet they conveniently turn a blind eye to the damage their medications are reeking on their patients that are trying to survive, against the odds, in the community on" subsistence benefits". They patronise that if you can shower yourself and feed yourself you are doing well enough that they consider their regimes a success. If you are spending 16 hours in bed a day they counter that you should just get out of bed even though their drugs are causing the extreme inertia in the first place.
They categorically deny surveys that point out that their own psychiatric medicines, when used on Monkeys, are known to shrink the brain by up to 14% when you beg them that something is terribly wrong because all you find yourself doing is sitting in a chair in a state of paralysis and Peter Skilton had the audacity to blame my condition on "learned helplessness". Even with Mental Illness I was a highly motivated human being that was always trying to achieve something and apply myself to something until the long term effects of Psychiatric medication, and namely Olanzepine ravaged my brain.
There are millions of people on psychiatric medicine and most of them dying early deaths because of their Psychiatrists generosity when it comes to pilly pills because in the minds of our Communities we are Sub-human and there is no consequence because, they, in all their Wisdom, have at least PACIFIED them and offered PITY.
It is not PITY we need. It is minimum medication but mostly Occupation and the Government needs to lead the way in setting this up. Some of the Worlds Brightest minds are being wasted and ravaged in communities still so influenced by Stigma that it amounts to HATE. I do not like people calling me "Anally Retentive" because Society leaves me with little options and plenty of time to feel sorry for myself. I'm SCREWED but PLEASE Spare the children and Our Children's Children. AMEN
It's not the Epilim that did the major damage. It was that drug Olanzepine. Twelve years fried my brains. Shit I can't even KNIT!
Actually it was the last straw of a succession of powerful psychiatric drugs which Psychiatrists administered ad-lib to calm me down from reeling from victimisation in a dysfunctional family.
I did not speak of the sexual abuse......too ashamed, until years later but when I went to Kingseat Hospital complaining of attempted murder no one acknowledged the danger that I was in. Nobody counselled me, nobody helped me. They just used their sure fire cop out solution of medicating me. When even the Police complain that you've wasted their time by calling them how am I supposed to react? Am I that Sub-human and if that is a fact why then have I not the RIGHT to insist that they line me up against a wall and SHOOT me?
Am I a patient, am I human, or am I the enemy. To solve the problem of the abuse and the attempted murder they, in my opinion, punished me with intense regimes of medication which would leave me trying to cope as a young adult with the intellect of a four year old. Regularly dosing me with over 1000 mg of Largactil for eight week periods, which I believe was chronic overdosing that made me more disturbed than ever because of my sensitivity to the medication always made me fall into suicidal depression and it usually took 6 months for me to recover. I did a drawing in Ode to Cat Stevens of a Mosk?? in Hamilton and looked back on it with shock at how childlike the work was. It certainly illustrated the damage that was done to my brain. Unfortunately the week I recovered was the week I was in for another round of intensive drugging. I go for help because of tension in the family. When my father called me a maggot because I forgot my handbag, etc, etc. They may as well have put my brain in a frying pan and eaten it for all the damage the continual overdosing caused. I wasn't the only one that suffered in this way. I saw many beautiful young women, possibly also victimised in frenzied states from the drug regimes of our Psychiatric Hospitals.
Eventually I claimed ACC and received ten weeks counselling with Maureen Trainer and she likened the abuse to a Horror Story but the counselling ended and the abuse went on. Psychiatry has it's place but the Culture in this country is arrogant and punishing of the Victim.
I've cost this country thousands and thousands of dollars just to keep me alive so I can BITCH.
To add insult to injury I believe I was gang raped by a charge nurse called Graham and his henchmen after they put me in a side cell and drugged me. I was doing absolutely nothing but standing in the yard before they called me in to the side cell and I was so distressed I was trying to change my DNA with the toilet paper when I woke up in my side room. I woke in such a state of panic that I was almost asphyxiated and spent a long time breathing through a one inch crack in the side room window. Of course they always get away with it because, drugged, what would I remember. It did not help having a Rapid response nurse pointedly asking me if I remembered Graham. How could I forget but I did not know the "henchmen".
Perhaps those were the bad old days but recently I was told that a P. A. who I actually liked in Waikato had been caught by another client raping a female in the Ward. The lack of respect towards the psychiatrically ill is absolutely disgusting and it is all buried under the carpet.
All the MISTAKES with medication are also played down and buried and their is so little accountability that it is not a wonder I've got to the stage that I said I felt like murdering six Psychiatrists and being put in a Forensic Unit for the anger and the rage that they have inspired in me.
They've fried me and taken away my life skills anyway so why not give the the safety and security of a Forensic Ward.
They talk compassionately about the poor bastards that have been inadvertently or I prefer to say negligently obliterated with Antipsychotics in the old Hospitals and yet they conveniently turn a blind eye to the damage their medications are reeking on their patients that are trying to survive, against the odds, in the community on" subsistence benefits". They patronise that if you can shower yourself and feed yourself you are doing well enough that they consider their regimes a success. If you are spending 16 hours in bed a day they counter that you should just get out of bed even though their drugs are causing the extreme inertia in the first place.
They categorically deny surveys that point out that their own psychiatric medicines, when used on Monkeys, are known to shrink the brain by up to 14% when you beg them that something is terribly wrong because all you find yourself doing is sitting in a chair in a state of paralysis and Peter Skilton had the audacity to blame my condition on "learned helplessness". Even with Mental Illness I was a highly motivated human being that was always trying to achieve something and apply myself to something until the long term effects of Psychiatric medication, and namely Olanzepine ravaged my brain.
There are millions of people on psychiatric medicine and most of them dying early deaths because of their Psychiatrists generosity when it comes to pilly pills because in the minds of our Communities we are Sub-human and there is no consequence because, they, in all their Wisdom, have at least PACIFIED them and offered PITY.
It is not PITY we need. It is minimum medication but mostly Occupation and the Government needs to lead the way in setting this up. Some of the Worlds Brightest minds are being wasted and ravaged in communities still so influenced by Stigma that it amounts to HATE. I do not like people calling me "Anally Retentive" because Society leaves me with little options and plenty of time to feel sorry for myself. I'm SCREWED but PLEASE Spare the children and Our Children's Children. AMEN
Sunday, June 19, 2016
I've deleted much of what I've written........
Do you know what pisses me off most about a certain Psychiatrist. He would quip at me "Use it or lose it!" in reference to the mind whilst giving me medication that shrinks the Brain. Olanzepine...
I believe it must be one of the most DANGEROUS drugs on the market for mental health care and yet it is touted as a wonder drug because it shuts their patients up. Why not just put us in cages, throw us bananas and watch us scratch under our armpits for entertainment if anti-psychotics are actually frustrating our humanity to the point where we actually become violent from the very same drugs that are SUPPOSED to be calming us down!!!
I don't want to be Euthanised but I don't want to live like this either. Instead of being Suicidal I just feel like lashing out. I had little Social Skills as it was without those being taken away by medication and illness associated with medication just compounds the suffering. To bear the Stigma of Mental Illness is to endure a life time of being talked down to and treated as a third class citizen. Who wouldn't feel resentful. Most people are wise enough to bite the bullet and be grateful for small mercies....we all know that there are so many people that cower from Human interaction with their fellow human beings yet light up when we even notice them.
Where is the KINDNESS in patting ourselves on the back for TOLERANCE when we know full well that tolerance doesn't give them a place in the community. It only emphasises the PITY!
I didn't want to be pitied for my entire life.
I didn't want to have to walk away from my own Son without even fighting for him because I knew that even in a Court of Law I would have no Rights because of the Stigma of mental illness. Even though my own Doctor was prepared to stand up in Court and say that I WAS a Good Mother. Is everyone just allowed to help themselves....when will the RIGHTS of the Mentally Ill actually be considered?
I believe it must be one of the most DANGEROUS drugs on the market for mental health care and yet it is touted as a wonder drug because it shuts their patients up. Why not just put us in cages, throw us bananas and watch us scratch under our armpits for entertainment if anti-psychotics are actually frustrating our humanity to the point where we actually become violent from the very same drugs that are SUPPOSED to be calming us down!!!
I don't want to be Euthanised but I don't want to live like this either. Instead of being Suicidal I just feel like lashing out. I had little Social Skills as it was without those being taken away by medication and illness associated with medication just compounds the suffering. To bear the Stigma of Mental Illness is to endure a life time of being talked down to and treated as a third class citizen. Who wouldn't feel resentful. Most people are wise enough to bite the bullet and be grateful for small mercies....we all know that there are so many people that cower from Human interaction with their fellow human beings yet light up when we even notice them.
Where is the KINDNESS in patting ourselves on the back for TOLERANCE when we know full well that tolerance doesn't give them a place in the community. It only emphasises the PITY!
I didn't want to be pitied for my entire life.
I didn't want to have to walk away from my own Son without even fighting for him because I knew that even in a Court of Law I would have no Rights because of the Stigma of mental illness. Even though my own Doctor was prepared to stand up in Court and say that I WAS a Good Mother. Is everyone just allowed to help themselves....when will the RIGHTS of the Mentally Ill actually be considered?
Thursday, June 9, 2016
At the Sheep Station...
I remember watching another woman, a Maori Woman, carrying a Carcass over her shoulder on a desolate Winter's day. I felt for her, she looked so miserable. But maybe she was HAPPY....I certainly wasn't.
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