Disbanding of Web Site!

I am Disbanding this Web Site.  I do NOT BELIEVE in Euthanasia for Mental Patients.   I think They NEED Justice.  End of STORY!

Mercy Would Perhaps be Better but One should be Glad to be Alive

Regarding Tobacco

And as to whether we should Import it.
It seems unfair
That we should STRESS
People to the point where they smoke
And then deny them access
to Health Care
Isn't it just So Convenient
That their Taxes
Pay for their Health Care
And Yet
They may not be considered
Though they are Perfectly Healthy
For anything
Other
Than Pallitive Care
And in my case
Half way Though
A Procedure?

Oops

EVEN I DIDN'T REALISE HOW ANGRY I WAS.  NEVER MIND.  I MEAN NO HARM BUT THE TRUTH IS UNPALATABLE AND IT IS ABOUT TIME THAT WE GAVE ALL PEOPLE A DECENT CHANCE!!!!

Psychiatrists would be a lot kinder to their patients if they stopped punishing their patients vulnerability and worked on creating a more inclusive Society and one where their Rights are genuinely PROTECTED!

Survey for Mental Patients

Please answer this Simple Survey

1.   Have you ever felt EXPLOITED
      a) Finacially?  Yes/No  b) Sexually ? Yes/No

2.    Do people talk down to you on a regular basis?  Yes/No

3.    Do you find people go quiet when you walk into the room?  Yes/No

4.    Do you find that you are regularly overlooked or disregarded for Work Opportunities?  Yes/No

5.    Have you ever been abused by one or more members of your family/  Yes/No

6.    Have you ever suffered physical illness as a direct result of taking Psychiatric Medicine?  Yes/No

7.    Do you suffer from Anxiety?  Yes/No

8.    Do you feel supported by your friends, fellow Church goers, etc, when you are unwell?  Yes/No

9.    Do you feel that the work that you do reflects your School Performance?  Yes/No

10.  Do you frequently feel "Mocked"?  Yes/No

11.   Have you ever been FALSELY ACCUSED?  Yes/No




If you realise that this sort of treatment is more or less Universal towards Psychiatric Patients then Forewarned is Forearmed.  GOOD LUCK

Oh... That's Right..I was having a Debate with my Altar Ego

My Altar Ego being no less than the Prime Minister  (Sorry John)

Where was I......

I must be a bit of a Communist at heart and You the Capitalist

What used to be a "Fools Paradise"

Is now Paradise for the FEW

Just how long do we have to wait

Before we realise

That increasing the Gap

Between Rich and Poor

Is Unconscionable

When Our Police need GUNS

Just like America

Why do we have to

Follow their Model?

I'm a Bourgeois Spoilt Bitch I admit

But what do we leave Our Children

If we tread over Fellow Human Beings

Capitalism destroyed Communism

Because it was a THREAT

To the Bourgeois

Is that the case?

Euthanasia for Me.

VERY FUNNY

Don't like CHANGE

Not chuffed about the new format and don't know how to get back to the OLD Blog Format if you can?

I AM PERHAPS ONE OF THE MOST HATED PEOPLE ON EARTH AND AS A VICTIM AND PSYCHIATRIC PATIENT I HAVE TO ASK WHY?  AND WHY IS THE QUESTION THAT WE ALL HAVE TO ASK OURSELVES. WHY EXACTLY ARE WE SO CRITICAL AND CONDEMNING OF THOSE WEAKER THAN OURSELVES?  WHY? WHY? WHY?  WHY SHOULD THEY BE MADE TO GROVEL EVERY STEP OF THE WAY?  WHY ARE THEY SHUNNED AND WHY ARE WE NOT MAKING A PLACE FOR THEM IN OUR SOCIETY?  WHEN ASYLUM IS STILL THE BETTER OPTION THAN TRYING TO AMALGAMATE THEM, FOR THE SAKE OF SAVING MONEY, IN A SOCIETY THAT STILL ALIENATES THEM AND TORTURES AND JUDGES THEM THEN WHY? WHY? WHY? DON'T WE DO SOMETHING CONCRETE LIKE GIVING THEM WORK HOUSES WHERE THEY CAN DO THEIR BIT DEPENDING ON THEIR LEVEL OF COMPETENCE SO THAT THEY ARE NOT CONDEMNED AS BLUDGERS.  AT THE MOMENT THEIR RIGHTS ARE SO TENTATIVE THAT THEY CAN HARDLY BE COUNTED.  I AM FURIOUS AND I'M SURE OTHERS ARE EQUALLY AS FURIOUS WITH ME BECAUSE I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL AND APOLOGETIC.  WELL I'VE HAD IT WITH GRATEFUL AND APOLOGETIC  AND I WOULD JUST LOVE FOR SOMEONE TO SHOOT ME, BLIND FOLDED, OUTSIDE PARLIAMENT FOR THAT IS HOW LITTLE JUSTICE THERE IS TOWARDS THOSE THAT FIND THEMSELVES INNOCENT VICTIMS OF A MENTAL ILLNESS.  YET WE CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY SOME BECOME VIOLENT?  HOW DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANY VOLUNTEERS WITH A GUN?????

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE

PLEASE don't allow this Degradation of Human Spirit to carry on indefinitely. At the moment if you are deemed "Psychiatric" Psychiatrists are applauded for throwing dangerous drugs at you and if you deteriorate they are justified to give you even more. You have little or no RIGHTS and what RIGHTS those are are only lip service on a Lawyers Gravy Train anyway. Studies show that Macaque Monkeys that participated in a trail on Olanzapine showed brain shrinkage of 14 %. Yet it is no cause for alarm and I suppose most would find it funny so long as they are not the client on the drug. I think it is Morally repugnant to be so blaze about dishing out dangerous medications without forming a safety net around the patients to make them feel like contributing members of Society. OTHERWISE I STILL SAY THAT IT IS KINDER TO SHOOT THEM. I am SO DESPERATE AND FORSAKEN I TAKE THE MEDICATIONS WHEN I WOULD RATHER BE DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It simply doesn't work leaving them flailing around taking the punches all the way through their lives without SHOWING THAT THEY ARE ACCEPTED HUMAN BEINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIVE THEM WORK DIGNITY AND HOPE instead of bludgeoning them with JUDGEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Thing that most ANNOYS Me though.............

Is that we say that we have a
Bill of Rights
for the treatment
of Patients
In the Health Sector
Yet we have
only a Gobble'd'Gok
A.C.C. System
Which more often than not
Goes out of its way
NOT to help
The Patient
I got the lumps
That eventually turned Cancerous
Whilst on Tegretol
And when the Doctor Himself
Tells you that youd lowered White Blood Cell Count
Could cause CANCER
And yet
I am told by A.C.C.
That Tegretol does not cause Cancer
And then the Doctors
Go out of their way
To say that I "BELIEVE"
That Tegretol
Caused my Cancer
As if FURTHER JUDGEMENT
of my "INSANITY"
When the caring thing to do
Would be to PETITION
The DRUG COMPANIES
As is done in America
So that those that are Crippled
By Medical Misadventure
Can have something to fall back on
Inadvertently
A.C.C. seems to do
More to UNDERMINE
Patients RIGHTS
Than PROTECT THEM!

HACKING

Really PISSES me off
It is one thing that things
I volunteer to the internet
Are shared
But it is quite another
To realise that
things that you haven't even
Delivered to the Internet
Are shared
Of course
It is accepted
With disbelief
And WHY
Would
ANYONE
Want to SPY
On a Mental Patient?
WHY
EXACTLY

NON COMPOS MENTIS

And for someone

WHO IS EFFECTIVELY
NON COMPOS MENTIS

and THE KINDREDS

IS but a NAME

I still HOPE

For a better

WORLD

For Our CHILDREN

A Cat is Fine

But a JOB

iS BETTER!

ALSO

I'm sure that it
IS NOT
INTENTIONAL
But since
It most CONVENIENTLY
Effectively
EQUALS
As a lobotomy
But with no Proof
Or Evidence
Shouldn't
We then Decree
To be Sparing
With Psychiatric
MEDICINE?
And PROTECT
The PATIENT
Without PREJUDICE
JUDGEMENT
& STIGMATISM
By Rule of LAW

I have Regressed so much

That I am smoking Lichen!

But isn't it so Sad

That if we ABUSE
Our children
They become "Psychopaths"
Or "Sociopaths"
to a LESSER or GREATER Degree
And they keep theirs Siblings
CLOSE
So that they
Can LAUGH
And Mock
As they watch
The one
In Peril
Self Destruct
They are NOT
Generous of Spirit
But Damaged
And Dysfunctional
THEY BECOME
Calculating
Grasping
And Manipulating
Which is a Sad
Anglais Characteristic
Heartlessness is catchy
But none are born
HeartLess
Surely

THAT IS WHY WE MUST PROTECT OUR CHILDREN
PLEASE!

Apparently I am about to be treated to a viewing

Of the English
Patient
When one has
Virtually no Memory
Virtually everything
Is New
Cat Stevens
Morning has Broken

Forgiveness is an Art

Sometimes never LEARNED
It all Depends on the
Approach
We must restore PRIDE
Rather than be Punitive

And if I was ever Credited as being an Accomplished Artist

Then I should buy Myself
A Baby Grand
for the Billiard Room
Or Whanau Room
at Sugarloaf Island Retreat

If I could but take the Clock back

By three Months
Minus Six Days
and minus a few
Hours
And Not be
Burdened
For that is how
I shall deal with Time

Should I ring the Mafia

And order up Mercy?!
To Great Women
Elizabeth
& Maggie
& Meryl
& to Merci
French
for Mercy
Thank You
Thank You
Thank You
Mercy!

And to Hunter as a GREAT ACTOR

Please May We not Act Dishonourably
Towards Our Children
And Our Peers
But not........
JUDGE
THE BROKEN!!!!!
If I prefer to think
But the Intelligence
Of the Snail
In comparison
They lead Peaceful Lives
and end up as Delightful Meals
But perhaps it is Preferable
Than being a Woman
But those Days
Are truly Over
Exception for a short Space of Time
Upon the Kopu Bridge
But I am Old Enough
And Stupid Enough
To Campaign for
Our Unborn Daughters
And Sons

Prayers for the Sunny Day Floods in Wagga Wagga AUSTRALIA

And for Harry
And William

And the Whole World
On this Day

I'm having FUN

But I concede that it will be considered churlish to be anything other than GRATEFUL but the ANOMALIES are too GREAT!

I WOULD MAKE MY ALTAR EGO THE PRIME MINISTER..........NOW THAT WOULD BE INTERESTING WOULDN'T IT EVEN IF IT IS ONLY A "Madwoman's Imagination"

Altar Ego: Why should I listen to the rantings of a Madwoman anyway? You are INVALID!
Self: Exactly. I have no Value in this Society and that is something We need to correct!

Altar Ego: A Democracy is for the Self Made Man and I am entitled to be VALUED @ 40 x Your Worth. You are lucky that in this country we provide Welfare for Madwomen like YOU!
Self: That may be so but is not a Death Sentence kinder than begrudge even the trickle down and to walk over the VULNERABLE? Is it CHRISTIAN TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY STATE THE WORTHLESSNESS OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING within a Democracy?

Altar Ego: But YOU are a Whore and a FOOL and I would go so far as to second-guess that even GOD despises You!
Self: But isn't it funny how the Laws of Man seem to be that it is as unspoken LAW that men may go out of their way to make WHORES of Women that they may thus treat them as Whores?
Shouldn't we re access Our Values rather than point the finger at Whores and Fools?
I BELIEVE that GOD loves me.........................and wouldn't YOU want better for YOUR own DAUGHTER than to be disregarded and Judged?

Altar Ego: How DARE You?
Self: How dare I say what DARE be said?
I would not DARE to have a DAUGHTER for fear her VULNERABILITY!
For we "Di sect" Psychiatric Patients as if they were some sort of Laboratory Rat and Drug them to the point that "Snails" have more intelligent behavioural patterns. We point the finger and don't even care whether the medicine kills them yet we will not face the fact that the greatest floors are at the Heart and Structure of Our SOCIETY. PLEASE
As it is at Present we ABUSE the WEAK!

I'm going through Addiction Withdrawal

And my Partner
Is considering leaving me
I don't BLAME HIM!
But the Good thing
About Marijuana
Is that you
Get some BRILLIANT IDEAS!

And the Debate is With My Alter Ego>>>>>>?

Oh what fun
to debate
on the Philosophies
Of a Democracy!
Sanity versus Insanity
Which shall
Answer
WHY

I am Actually HAPPY

Or as happy as one in my "Situation" can be. I have enough love to feel "Secure" which is pretty damn good. I have work to do even if it isn't PAID. I have a Son that I LOVE and only wish the best for and I have a Blog Site which helps me to get rid of the "Angst"..... it helps. Maybe I shouldn't say these things but that is just the point. Everybody thinks the same or similar thoughts regarding the Mentally Ill but no one is suicidal enough or honest enough to say them. In a Tax Paying Society every citizen should have a place or be kind and just SHOOT THEM!

Is "Education" the Answer?

Apparently education is the solution to combating the Stigma associated with Mental Illness. I believe that if we don't make a place for people like myself by giving them Occupation no amount of "Education" will solve the problem. My ideal would be that we have Workshops for the Mentally Ill and Drug Addicts also. At the moment there is an Abyss that is very hard to climb out because once you are Stigmatised there is no way back! There should be basic benefits for those that DON'T want to work and then rewards for people that do. What is the point of all these people picking up the pieces with over 40,000 New Zealanders seeking Drug and Alcohol counselling if there is nothing for them to do but fall into the same traps again?

Apparently we have Third World Illnesses

And can not understand why?


But how many Politicians


Would be happy


To LIVE


on $250 per week


Whilst paying rent?


Poverty and associated illness are rife


Within Our Communities


Yet the gap between


Rich and Poor


Keeps Increasing


And Unemployment


Keeps rising


What we are breeding


Are angry


And disenfranchised


PEOPLE

Pathways Angels

LIKE JACKALS OR HYENAS

It seems to me that we are as Jackal's or Hyena's towards the Mentally Ill. If people pull up "lame" with a Mental Illness, instead of being like Geese and supporting one another, we are in for the kill and make a meal out of the others weakness. There is something intrinsically wrong with our Society when we are so quick to condemn. Another lady was at Golf today who has recently suffered from Mental Illness, and in front of me, and almost within earshot of this lady they were asking what was wrong with her and stating that "She's not on the same Planet". And that was their way of being "kind". From my observation she had put on weight and was shaking from Medication but otherwise obviously had her faculties in tact. I KNOW what it is like not to be "On the same Planet" but it seems there is the temptation to be CRUEL even when there is nothing to be CRUEL about. I'm the first to plead GUILTY because I believed from when I was about 5 years that I'd rather be DEAD than be Mentally Ill like my Mother. But FATE and time have helped me to see that it is as much the floors in our Society that we should be aware of rather than focusing simply on the weakness of the Mental Health Client if we are to be a Humane and "Christian" Society. We'd rather scream POSITIVITY at the Mental Patient rather than be open and honest about the GLOWERING ISSUES surrounding these people.

LEGAL PROTECTION

I believe that every Psychiatric Patient that presents should be afforded LEGAL PROTECTION from the get go. For whatever reason they are presenting something is seriously wrong in their lives and often they are an identity factor in a web of despair.

As well as that it should also be illegal to take advantage of the Mentally unwell sexually. If people are crazy the Law, at present, does not protect them. In fact it usually underlines their condemnation by not affording them Justice. It is a hideous situation really. Instead of SHEILDING and PROTECTING our vulnerable we JUDGE them, shun them and label them as DAMAGED GOODS as if a train wreck only fit for the Scrap Heap. It is so INHUMANE that I feel myself above the Law and should be entitled to EUTHANASIA. Of course I won't but MORALLY I win the argument HANDS DOWN!

Kamakaze

Perhaps it is an insult to compare myself with a Kamakaze Pilot because they are not afraid to die but I AM. I desperately wish I had the courage to commit Suicide because the pain and alienation is too great to bear but when it comes down to it I'm scared of my skin. It's so humiliating really. So while I hang around waiting to die I may as well take Pot Shots at why I think that we fail the Mentally Ill so miserably.


Where Psychiatry fails, in my opinion, is in it's "Paternal Pragmatism". I'm just a "Statistic". Apparently 80% of Mental Patients are in work. It does not seem to matter that most of those people are scraping the bottom of the barrel at the bottom of the food chain, living from hand to mouth, desperate to please lap dogs with little or no dignity, when at school many were some of the cleverest in the class. Psychiatry GLOSSES over these issues and all but MOCKS their clients as they struggle to assimilate into Society. They are not bothered with trying to change the Status Quo so that these Clients can be afforded OPPORTUNITY. They simply stand back and watch the Mental Patient take the punches until they collapse and then intervene with suitably sedating and numbing medication. Eventually, unable to commit suicide, the patient gives in and once again tries desperately to cling, once again, to the bottom of life's ladder, which almost invariably they will remain at yet can't understand why. STIGMATISM can only be controlled if the cracks in the floors are sealed. I believe this can only be achieved if we offer the same opportunities to the Mentally Ill as we offer normal people. Give them LADDERS which they can climb or give them the option of DEATH. It is not enough to let them LANGUISH for their lifetime. I am SORRY to be so UNGRATEFUL BUT I WOULD WISH FOR SOMETHING BETTER FOR MY DESCENDANTS THAN HELL ON EARTH IF THEY HAPPEN TO HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS!

PEOPLE NO DOUBT WILL REJOICE WHEN I DIE

Actually I will REJOICE when I DIE. I have already decided that I will not seek any Medical help if Cancer returns or if I get Heart Disease or Diabetes or any other ailment for that matter. And if my Son or Partner dies I shall deliberately starve myself to death. At the moment I am living in Limbo and you could hardly qualify it as a LIFE.

PEOPLE ARE VICIOUS TOWARD THE MENTALLY ILL

People are vicious toward the Mentally Ill. "Sticks and Stones will hurt my bones but Names will never HURT ME!" is an out and out lie. I spent 9 months of my life feeding a Sculptor because he needed looking after, only to have the woman that he was having an affair with (I wasn't sure at the time) call me "anally retentive". I gave shelter and a home to a Lawyer that slept with me and then told his Ex-girlfriend right in front of me (on the phone) that living with me "sux". Another man told me that "My Reputation came before me", etc, etc, etc. The SYSTEM leaves me flailing about in a hostile environment where the only people, generally, that have anything to do with you are those that have agenda or take advantage and yet it is deemed inhumane to consider Euthanasia for the Mentally Ill. WELL I THINK IT IS INHUMANE NOT TO EUTHANAISE IF THAT IS WHAT THEY WANT. I look around me and have watched others with Mental Illness who live the same tortorous existence. They are universally SHUNNED to a lesser or greater degree depending on how STOIC they are, but still SHUNNED and CONDEMNED even by the "Nice Oldies" in the CHURCH. And yet we still WONDER why some people with Mental Illness go out and commit multiple killings. Anything other than Spiders and Flies and I'm not into KILLING but looking back and reflecting I am astounded at the degree of hostility that has been leveled at me and yet we kid ourselves that we are "Humane" and "Tolerant". When I had qualified as a Legal Executive and went for a job as a Receptionist with my Doctor his retort was that "It would be cruelty to dumb......" (as in cruelty to dumb animals) to give me the job . Of course it would be cruelty because everyone is so FUCKING NASTY! Doctors will treat you and then have nothing to do with you outside of office hours even if your I.Q. is the same as theirs. A friend of mine went to the Doctor to be asked "What Ward of the Nut House do you come from?" and that was to her face!!!!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE ARE NOT KIND AND I DEMAND THAT THOSE THAT HAVE SIMPLY HAD A GUTS FULL SHOULD BE ABLE TO CHOOSE EUTHANASIA.

Even I am getting Depressed but Someone needs to tell the TRUTH for those that come AFTER ME!

You see, the thing is with MENTAL PATIENTS is that you KICK THEM WHEN THEY ARE DOWN until they can no longer get UP AGAIN and then you argue they they should not be Euthanaised because they are NOT IN THEIR RIGHT MIND. IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE TO ME!

Dreams Asunder

This Poem was written in 1992
Things certainly haven't changed much

DREAMS ASUNDER

Dreams alight
Freight trains bringing night
Souls desire
Desperation fulfilled
No HOPE in sight
No DELIGHT
Images draped in White
Become Silhouette
Passing scenes
On a forgotten stage
Freight trains
Bringing Night

MY SOLUTION

My solution would be to have a town or city PILOTED to give all it's citizens work. People would be Mentally and physically healthier and there would be less crime and with less need for POLICE and health intervention the costs would balance out. Everyone would be healthier and happier and we would have a truly CIVILISED Society. I know it sounds and probably is naive but that is MY SOLUTION. I believe that so much creative intelligence is lost to one form or another of Mental Illness that we should do something. PLEASE!

SO AT LEAST THERE IS NO LONGER ANY WONDER AS TO WHY PEOPLE COMMIT SUICIDE

At the Bottom of the Cliff

At the bottom of the cliff everyone runs around trying to put back the pieces and coax you back to the positive side of life and behave in exemplary fashion. But I think it's all a pathetic waste of the "Health" dollar really. Plenty of people have jobs but their patients chance at quality of life is not improved greatly.

You know you are not doing very well when even your fellow psychiatric patients shun you and perhaps I have got the recipe wrong and should be grateful that I have the support I do have.

But I'm sick of the PLATITUDES!
PLEASE GIVE ME AN OUT!

I was Traumatised from the Age of Five

I was traumatised from the age of five my fear of having a Mental Illness was so great. Seeing how cruelly my mother was patronised and condemned and knowing that I was "different". I've spent the rest of my life trying to run from that fear but I have had a guts full. I had the I.Q. of a Mensa when I was young but because of the stress of trying to make the grade and trying to fit in either Breakdowns or Psychiatric Medicine have literally "fried" my mind. I am desperate and vulnerable and have been tortured and shunned most of most of my life. We care more about the treatment of chimpanzees than the Mentally Ill. Perhaps survival of the fittest is how it goes but if we are to go with that phillosophy I think we should be kind enough to the Mentally Ill and Euthanaise them. If we had a "Christian" Society we would make a place for them and give them occupation as we do with I.H.C. I am ANGRY and DISGUSTED with the way we treat the Mentally Ill!

The Scrap Heap of Human Souls

Nobody wants to be on a Human Scrap Heap and a Humane Society wouldn't have one. Our Society is a wonderful place for the talented and successful but it is full of loathing and contempt for those that are not as adept and learned or capable. We pick out people's weaknesses and use that as a way to justify their condemnation. The only way that I could cope with the tirade of criticisms was to live in a complete fantasy world and cling desperately to HOPE. Now that I've completely lost HOPE I can tell the Truth about my situation. People are NOT accepting of the Mentally Ill. They are generally cruel and judgemental to the point where the Mentally Ill person has trouble going to the Grocery Department even to get food. I've had the finger pointed at me for years and I've decided it is time to point the finger back! Sure I compounded things by turning to marijuana and really going completely out of my mind but I never stood a chance in the first place. We pride ourselves on a few warm fuzzy ads about accepting the Mentally Ill when in reality we laugh at, or mock or condemn them. Mental Illness would not be such an issue in our Society if we closed the "Abyss" which people currently fall into and gave people HOPE.

I've become Cynical

Actually I do believe Psychiatrists care. Why would they choose to be Psychiatrists if they didn't care? But when their magic potions don't work they lay the blame at the feet of their patient. We are now enemies and they don't have the decency to Euthanaise me. People live every day with the fear that they might become Mentally Ill. That is most people's worst nightmare and when it does happen and you are desperate and people do nothing but take advantage or condescend you are supposed to remain grateful and grin and bear it until you completely loose your mind. Personally I think it would be kinder to line Psychiatric Patients up against a wall and shoot them. One way or another they will always be at the mercy of other people's kindness unless we take it upon ourselves as a Society to protect the Mentally Ill. We don't give them WORK and therefore don't give them HOPE. I feel that I have had to live as a condemned woman ever since my first Breakdown and that I could be more positive if I were on death row because at least there would be an end to the suffering. To be Raped and have a murder attempt upon one's life and to realise that Justice does not apply to the Mentally Ill, to be wrongfully accused of molesting your own child when child molesting is not in my vocabulary, to have your child taken from you when you have been a good mother. All these things make you realise that, when the chips are down, there are NO RIGHTS for the Mentally Ill so why not JUST SHOOT THEM? And when the drugs cause Breast Cancer and A.C.C. won't even recognise the fact wouldn't anyone feel angry.

I saw My Psychiatrist Yesterday

I saw my Psychiatrist yesterday and when I tried to tell him that leaving people isolated in the community was worse than having them in Asylums he said to me to try and look at the "Positives" He also quoted "Lord give me the Wisdom to change what I can change and........................the wisdom to see what I can't change and know the difference". He's a lovely man and his advice is quite sensible and practical but I would like to see things change so that people who are diagnosed with a Mental Illness do not suffer quite to the same extent. For the Psychiatrist a patients suffering is actually their "Business" so why would they really care about trying to PREVENT that suffering? Too many of our young people are falling through the cracks in our Capitalist Society and we look towards those people with anger, hatred and hostility and they look back with the same emotions. If we want a comparatively Crime free Society we should be tailoring work for each and every citizen so that they can have the dignity of occupation. I believe that is the KEY.

What I really think is that he is glib and PATRONISING and sits on his PERCH judging those that have completely lost HOPE WITHOUT TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHY they have completely lost HOPE.

My Psychiatric Nurse came today

He's a wonderful humanitarian and I have only praise for him. But even he thinks that with the click of a finger you should suddenly be well again. Put on a grin. Race around like a "Blue Arse" and pretend that life is "Wonderful" even though everyone condescends and mocks. Life is not fair but I would hazard a guess that most psychiatric patients are here only because they are too cowardly to commit suicide and not because they actually "WANT" to be here. I think if you gave Psychiatric Patients the option of Euthanasia there would be a very long Que and perhaps we might be forced to address the reasons why psychiatric patients were lining up for an OUT!
As it is we judge them and condemn them and tolerate them in Society only in as much as it proves to be a cost cutting exercise to keep them OUT of Asylum. Psychiatrists have license to pour any amount of poisonous drugs into their patients and are seldom pulled up by the law unless it actually KILLS them. The same Psychiatrist that said "We take Suicide very seriously" would not offer more than a "Grunt" when I said hello when in Hospital if I wasn't in Consultation. They know I'm MAD and I know I'm mad and the bush telegraph works so well that I was almost denied the opportunity of staying at the Cancer Lodge because I'm notoriously despised and yet I'm shoved out into the community to drive my poor guileless partner mad with my Depression and Insanity. I feel BURIED ALIVE and yet Euthanasia is NOT an Option. HELL started for me with my first breakdown and won't end until I die and yet people can't understand Suicide and won't allow Euthanasia.

I Know that I Shouldn't Bitch

But that is just the point. People with a Mental Illness tend to internalise their anger until some of them race out and kill twenty people at once and then we ask WHY WHY WHY? In spite of not having a tendency to violence myself I find it all too easy to answer WHY. Our Society, as it is, tends to only value people that are successful. We don't include each and every citizen and give them a chance at participating and having dignity we can fully expect that the level of violence will only increase. Already our Police are turning to their fire arms and we are following the American example. We used to have a country that was considered a "Fools Paradise" and now instead we have more and more people live in gated communities because of the gap between rich and poor. That's all very well if you're not a Statistic but more and more people are in one form or another.

As for the Mentally Ill we allow them to live in "freedom" whilst shunning them or judging them or pitying them. No wonder John Kirwan had visualisations of becoming a Hobo. No wonder so many people are so frightened of Mental Illness that they condemn people's weakness because there is no where for people to go but down unless you are either very strong or lucky. In the three years that I was 'training" for work I hardly had one sick day. Living with the hopelessness of not quite making it into the work force and just languishing is enough to precipitate Mental Illness in itself. It also predisposes people to rely heavily on Drug and Alcohol use to numb the pain. All these things have a negative impact on our Society as a whole. Psychiatry and Psychology become Big Business when it is the framework of our Society that needs to go under the microscope if we are to create a "Wholesome Society". As it is I no longer see myself as being "fit" for work even if I had opportunity because unemployment only feeds insanity.

When HOPE is a Dillusion!

I saw a lady the other day that remembered me from school. She remembered me as one of the brightest girls in school. That was kind. It's complicated trying to express how HOPELESS it is for people that are diagnosed with a mental illness but once you are diagnosed it seems that you should grovel and kiss arse and be grateful that you get a benefit and have the right to a "Subsist ant existence" on a benefit. Well I'm sick of it! I can't commit suicide so I argue for Euthanasia. When you are dependent on pity and patronising judgemental care I say when is enough enough!

All Blacks Don't Cry

I read John Kirwin's book. An excellent read and full of HOPE. John Kirwin was my favourite All Black of all time. I rated him above Jonah for his dexterity. It took me two days to read it and it was the most reading I've done in months. I enjoyed it so much but I note that John is coming from a position where he has recovered and has managed the fairy tale recovery. Apparently he has been well for years and doesn't fear Mental Illness. But Depression is different from Bi-Polar and Schizophrenia. The fairy tale recovery often doesn't happen and in my case I would say that I have had not one, but over thirty mental breakdowns. Each time with suicidal depression and who could blame me. I pull myself out of it only to slide down the slippery slope again. I don't mean to be ungrateful to all the lovely people that have helped me along the way but I simply ask "Shouldn't the choice for Euthanasia be an option after 10 years?" Many people respond well with medication and live relatively normal lives but there are some, like myself, never quite recover enough to live the fairy tale. I am angry with the inhumanity with which the Purists argue that euthanasia should not be an option for the Mentally unwell when they don't know what it like to slip down the Abyss or what it is like to live like a Skeleton in a Closet for most of one's life and envy those who live in Prison. I liken it to the Moralist's next best thing to wanking because that's their way of getting off without empathising. And I hate to be so honest but I think it is total hypocrisy not to understand why people with no work prospects and diminished faculties would fear a life worse than death with little or no HOPE!

Under the Microscope

We put Mental Patients under the Microscope to try and find out what is wrong with them. I accept that I am all but completely insane 90% of the time. I started out hating myself for my own weakness. Now I simply can't believe that I live in a Society that is still so condemning and judgemental. The onus should not be upon the weak within our society to make themselves strong so that they fit in because that is simply impossible for most people with mental illness. If we were to have a Humane Society we would find occupation for these people that illustrates acceptance. We do this with I.H.C. If we do not do this the experiment of leaving people languishing in the community in almost complete isolation as a cost saving exercise is actually crueler than having people living in Mental Institutions. All my life I have never quite made the grade as a "Normal" person . Perhaps it was Brain Damage that started this Spiral into Insanity but whatever it was it has certainly given me a unique perspective. I am now BLAMED for my catastrophic fall from "Grace" into smoking Marijuana and the finger is pointed firmly at me for my failure and lack of control. But when I look back I didn't have a FUCKING CHANCE in the first place. I saw as a child how traumatised my mother was before me and that instilled such fear that naturally I isolated myself from a young age. But if we want to offer a Society that is conducive to the Mental Health of it's citizens we must stop focusing on what is wrong with the Mentally Ill and focus on why people are becoming Mentally unwell. I think a Holistic approach to Mental Illness would be much better than conveniently drugging the Victims as is most often the case. We must give each and every person in our Society the opportunity and dignity of work, however menial, or expect more violence and crime.

I've changed my Mind

Actually LOVE is not the answer at all. It is HUMAN RIGHTS for the Mentally Ill that is most important for people like myself to survive in our Society. I'm too much of a Stressed Bunny for there to be any HOPE for me other than living in utter desperation. I believe that I have been treated so CRUELLY that I DESERVE Euthanasia and that it is only hypocricy that prevents it happening.